Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
