I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
