It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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