And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Randomize
