Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
