Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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