today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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