Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
