David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
