I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
