We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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