I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
