Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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