I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
