You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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