Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
