I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
