): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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