My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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