last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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