His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
