im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
