I just saw a hot homeless man
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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