Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
