I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
