Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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