I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
