There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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