I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
