Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
