Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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