who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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