after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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