i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
