Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
