I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
