Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
