this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she told me i tasted like america
you will always have a special place in my vag
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
