So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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