she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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