She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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