do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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