im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
