I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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