my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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