I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
