this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
