Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
