She is in my trunk
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
