Yo dont text me then not text me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
