those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
