so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
