Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
